claire can't see me.

a mom who is cooler in words than in life.

Archive for February, 2009

call the law..

as previously discussed, the girls were three minutes late to school today. & of course it was raining & i just had a touch up on tuesday, so going out in the universe juice was not on my immediate agenda today. & OF double COURSE there were no parking spaces in the front where its covered. so we all have the schlep across puddles to get to the front door.

but the cherry on top of my crap cupcake is that when i walk amiia to class her teacher proceeds to tell me that my excessive tardies have caused my child to get flagged by the front office lady. she has been advised to notify the department of such&such & tattle tell.

word?

apparently coming in two minutes late is a serious sign of neglect. they’ll be sending some masked superhero to come and rescue my poor abused children from the clutches of my trifling hands. i guess i should just skip a hot breakfast in the morning & ignore the crust in their eyes & not even bother trying to brush both of their heads of hair. what was i thinking? that’s not love.

i just kind of shrugged and told her i’ll stop feeding them so we can get our priorities together.

i’m going to sue iphone. it’s ruining my academic career and my life as a whole. i can’t function without seeing its sleek black body & shiny silver trim in my peripheral vision. i start to shake. i think i’ve got a good chance here. what is it about these little machine? over christmas break my little cousin stole it mistakenly took it home in her bag. i ran through my grandma’s house telling every to run them pockets. eventually it was recovered & no one was hurt.

speaking of which…its ringing. please hold.

it was my mom. which is a whole ‘nother subject. &, because i think my blood pressure just stabilized, we won’t delve into that at this particular moment. lets just put a post-it-note here & remember to come back to it later on.

shall we?

its tomorrow already?

i waS looking back over my last blog & i noticeD that the date is posted for tomorrow.

really?

i’m a day ahead but i bet you i’ll still be ONE minute late dropping off the girls.

but since i have a few hours before the world catches up with me, i might as well start talking about this blog & its purpose. i’ve got a horrible habit of starting blogs that i never visit for more than a week. i also do this with projects, crafts, books and friends. i just can’t finish things. i guess it’s my hobby. i like starting things that i know i’ll never finish. i hope that doesn’t apply to college because that would be one expensive ass way to prove a point. but i digress…

i want to document all of this. the one minute lateness, the vomit, the puzzled look on amiia’s face when she walked into the living room as i was watching rupaul’s drag race. trying to explain why a boy looks like a girl was not as hard as i thought it would have been, i simply said it’s like being in a play. she seemed to accept that answer.  maybe a little too quickly. i’m sure i’ll get a note from school tomorrow from the counselor.

so…the original intent of this blog is to just write, ramble and work it out. i’ll write about my beautiful monsters, my snore-licious superhero husband, my jelly rolls, my rat-a-tat tat mini van, my phobias, my friends, my non-finished projects, my memories (a mix of tv shows & real life) and beyond. i don’t know how long i’ll last…but until we end again…enjoy the show!

my super power seems to be..

the ability to make my worst fears come true. not worst WORST..but the semi-petty “i could really go for this NOT happening” kind of things. as soon as these flimsy little thoughts leave my head it always seems to occur within minutes.

the secret like a mug, right?

let’s just take today for instance. avery is sick. he’s running a fever, coughing, and breathing heavy. we pull out the breathing machine thingy that all asthma children have & we manage to make it all the way until its time to get the girls from school. we scoop the ladies from their school yard and then proceed on the highway to the doctor’s office which is across town. note: i live in huntsville, across town merely means 15 minutes away from my front door.

as i’m merging on 565 i think to myself  “damn, i forgot wipes! i hope this boy doesn’t crap all over the place”.

5…4…3…2..

“EWWWW avery’s throwing up, MOMMY!”

& just like that my son has managed to get dorito/caprisun scented vomit all over his clothes, amel’s lunch box, his jacket (which he wasn’t wearing!), his seatbelt, his car seat, the little minivan walk way area between the back seats, underneath his seat…..& must i remind you…NO WIPES! & what else did i skillfully forget? a change of clothes! of course!

do i pull over? nope, i just keep driving towards the doc’s office with plans to stop at the gas station before her building to do a clean up. remember i’m on the highway & i have not ONE wipe. what did you think i was going to use, my shirt?  i look in the review mirror & see the girls holding their noses and avery is just sorta stewing in thought.

i know what they were all thinking…”how trifling!”

but i was thinking “let this be a lesson to all those involved”. i hope this stinky experience will teach my girls to be better prepared with their diaper bags in their future mothering lives. & i hope avery learns to pee pee in the potty soon. i’m sure the same reflex that helps you hold piss is somhow related to the holding throwing up down muscle too.

this blog is called unhuxtable for a reason.

8:01 am

every morning we race through routines & regardless of how fast we scarf down breakfast & throw juice down our throats…we’re always just ONE minute late to school. what is that?

“are we late again, mommy” she asks.

& it takes everything in me not to yell “of course we’re late, what did you think was gonna happen when you come down stairs with one shoe & one sock & your homework all over the table & your lunch bag in the car & your tooth brush is still dry & your buttons buttoned all wrong????”

but i don’t. i just nod and turn up npr.

this is my life. my beautiful little disorganized life. welcome aboard.

enjoy the show.