claire can't see me.

a mom who is cooler in words than in life.

Archive for June, 2009

because i do.

you can’t tell me differently. i just know that i am married to the greatest person ever born. its nearly been 10 years & still the sound of his keys in the door send butterflies racing through my entire nervous system. he is it. the reason for kisses. & i’m sure this is just the poet in me that feels this but, but i just know that i was born to love him. a tarrot card reader told me that i married my soulmate.

but, does he get on my damn nerves? of course!

i’ve gotten into a lot of discussions about love with married friends. & being that i tend to be the youngest in my group, i’m always seen as niave for feeling this way. i told one person that i loved him more than i loved myself because i had full confidence that he was doing the same. her smirk was so telling. in that moment she wished me failure just to prove her bitterness was relevant. & i don’t mean bitter in an evil way. but in a way that you want to know the technique behind the magic to reassure yourself that magic is not real. because if magic was real, it would unravel that which you’ve come to know, believe, & live your life according to.

i’m just saying….i like the youth of my love. when the world is too realistic & the people are all too logical…i can come home to my fairytale. my magic.

i’m not looking for smoke & mirrors. just enjoying the show.

fortune cookie message by lei:

tonight, tell someone the truth. start with yourself.

six quick thoughts before bed.

1. while flipping through channels i stumbed upon a whole 3 minutes of the discovery health about a woman who had a constant snot drip from only one nostril. as i sit here typing this guess what has happened to me….the plumbing has gone bad in ONE of my nostrils as well. i wish i would have seen the cause of her/my aliment. now i’m wondering if i have nostril cancer or a brain tumor or ragu flu (it was spaghetti night).

2. remember that recall of nestle cookie dough? well, two weeks ago i bought the kids some of those mini thingies to bake with the nanny while i’m at work. of course, this was before the news flash. since no one has fainted or thrown up, i can safely assume that my children’s iron stomachs have digested any e coli safely, right?

3. i’m using my shirt to wipe my nose. the tissue is all the way in the family room & i’m in the office. just too many steps for me right now. remember i am possibly suffering symptoms of ragu flu.  i must conserve energy. don’t you judge me!

4. we rushed through dinner to try & go get the puppy but someone else beat us to it. i told anthony that he failed me. he shrugged his shoulders. i’m finding it hard to like him right now.

5. my iphone crashed on me. i think anything that cost over $100 should last a lifetime. (it works again, but its completely empty of contacts or apps)

6. the birthday sex dude looks like montel jordan’s son. as much as i cringe at the thought of the lyrics, i can’t help but sing “girl you know i i i, girl you know i i i”. my mouth & mind betray me often.

lafayette is alive! & other randomness.

i lub true blood. but, i do fear that it’ll take a page out of the dark angel script  & completely jump the shark. did you see the bull person yesterday? com’on! i can handle vampires, shape shifters & evil church-goers, but a minotaur? seriously? my imagination can stretch but there’s gotta be some damn boundaries. the good news is that my homohomeboy is still alive! & for this simple reason, i’ll still be in attendance on july 12.

i want to go on vacation. unfortunately, just buying a house & going on vacation don’t fit into the same budget. who knew?

my coffee is lukewarm yet & still, i drink it. my laziness will be the death of me. ant says that if he wants to hide something he could just put it under the bed because he knows i will NEVER look under there.

twitter was reDUNKulous last night. the BET awards alone were hilarious (& not on purpose), but add the commentary from everyone i follow & i just couldn’t turn away from the mess on tv or the hate online. i will say though, that negative energy is easy toget caught up in. i went to bed last night complaining about the sound of anthony ironing clothes. &  this morning i was ready to talk about what the preschool teachers were wearing. i gotta shake that shit off. it’s a consuming feeling. but it was funny, so thank you.

but before i completely let go of the hate…here’s my short BET commentary:

– wtf wayne & drake & other no name dudes on stage? why did ya’ll have baby video “actresses” on stage with you while you sang about trying to infect the whole world of girls? that went completely over my head. i’m a big undercover wayne fan, but that made me question my sanity & box up my hoodratted fantasies forever.

– wyclef, i shall be researching if you really came from a hut in haiti.

– beyonce’, beyonce’, braid of chucky-yonce. that was over-indulgent & it appears to me that you’re riding the line between how good you are & how good you think you are a tad bit too closely. i say that with love. (and a little hate on it too.)

– johnny gill sounds like cookie monster.

– tevin campbell still has milk teeth. that’s amazing to me.

– jamie foxx was probably the best person to lead this circus.

– the awards show was no surprise. BET is conflicted just as the black community is conflicted. you have ONE channel trying to represent all things black; that’s black youth, black power, black tradition, black religion, black politics, & black comedy. There’s no way to try & contain all of that into one space without conflicts of interest. it’s like trying to mash up comedy central, mtv, cnn, & christian broadcasting network on ONE channel. it doesn’t work. so don’t blame BET for trying to do it all….blame network execs for making it impossible to include good diverse programs on ALL other channels.


there, i feel better. now let me renew my spirit & say thank you universe that i have my privacy. that i have the ability to make a fool of myself in the comfort of my own home without the world to watch.

now i’ve gotta go clean.

six quick thoughts…from bed.

1. those little white balls of gross you cough up are called tonsil stones or tonsilolith.
2. someone threw a chainsaw through someone’s window on my block a few days ago. hunh?
3. raw tomatos taste like trash.
4. i can’t eat white sauces from resturants in confidence, i always imagine someone jerking off into it. (blame that on the burger king rumor from 1990)
5. i really do hate teenagers.
6. i know all the words to a posion clan song & that fact cracks me up.

& summer time means…

it's back...

it's back...

my favorite hairstyle is back in effect. the wash, scrunch, & go out the door business. this has been my favorite “style” ( i use the term very loosely) since high school. & since i tend not to sweat, my dripping hair helps keep me cool. ha.

welcome back mousse. welcome back gel. dear & ol’ reliable friends of mine.

this text is stupid small now.

but i like it. like it with me for a minute okay…purty please.