claire can't see me.

a mom who is cooler in words than in life.

Archive for June, 2009

six quick thoughts…from bed.

1. those little white balls of gross you cough up are called tonsil stones or tonsilolith.
2. someone threw a chainsaw through someone’s window on my block a few days ago. hunh?
3. raw tomatos taste like trash.
4. i can’t eat white sauces from resturants in confidence, i always imagine someone jerking off into it. (blame that on the burger king rumor from 1990)
5. i really do hate teenagers.
6. i know all the words to a posion clan song & that fact cracks me up.

& summer time means…

it's back...

it's back...

my favorite hairstyle is back in effect. the wash, scrunch, & go out the door business. this has been my favorite “style” ( i use the term very loosely) since high school. & since i tend not to sweat, my dripping hair helps keep me cool. ha.

welcome back mousse. welcome back gel. dear & ol’ reliable friends of mine.

this text is stupid small now.

but i like it. like it with me for a minute okay…purty please.

i hate new people.

that looks horrible when reading.

let’s try that one again.

i hate meeting new people. sound better? okay…moving forward.

i am an awkward person. i stumble over my wit. i’m hella funny in my head. even funnier in my pjs at home with ant. but in public? i’m all “smile & wave boys, cute & cuddly”…so, instead of working on this deer in headlights reaction…i simply avoid meeting new people or just internally freak out when forced into a conversation with a stranger. there wouldn’t be a problem, generally speaking, but i think this standoffish vibe i reek makes me seem…well…standoffish. i feel like i come off as either snobby, stank, angry, uninterested or a offensive mixture of all of the above.

so…here’s my plan.i’m going old OLD school. i’m gonna make up calling cards like in the victorian days. & instead of forcing myself into making small talk, i’ll point them here. they can check out my bad habits, my horrible grammar, my funny side, my “parenting style”, my opinions & all my public apologies for themselves….& then decide for themselves if they’d like to twitter me & start a conversation based on what they’ve discovered. perhaps by then i’ll be ready for face to face dialogue like a real grown up.  

this sounds so extra…i know. but i’ve got to find another way than what i’m doing now. because as of right now…this is me:

stranger: how’s it going.
me: its going pretty good, thanks for asking. how are you?
stranger: ehh, you know things are going as good as i can get right now. you know with the economy & the weather. there’s just one storm after the other, am i right?
me: yep.
stranger: i guess i could complain more, but i’d rather just sit & smile, you know?
me: hmm.
stranger: so, umm, where are you fr…
this is me ——>walking off to avoid further attempts at talking.

i guess it would be one thing if i wanted isolation. but i’m a people person deep down inside this mess of issues & shame & terrible communication skills. if you’ve seen this of me & i’ve given you that “please don’t talk to me face”…i’m sorry. i do want to talk. i do want to join in on the random jokes. i do want to be apart. but just like in double dutch, i just never know when to jump in & even worse…i don’t know how to double dutch at all to start with. dumb analogy.

anyway….here’s an example of my calling cards.

be my friend, yo.

be my friend, yo. (click to enlarge)


now all i have to do is get up the nerve to give out a card.

sheeeeeit, if it ain’t one thing it’s another.