claire can't see me.

a mom who is cooler in words than in life.

Archive for July, 2009

memory #1: i dare you.

all my memories are fuzzy. i find a lot of my stories are a mixture of cosby episodes, exaggerated truths for poetic effect, daydreams, &  a little of what actually happened. i’m sure the deeper explanation behind this fact deals with some sort of coping mechanism. either way, i feel the need to start a collection of these “memories”.

this came about because i was reading stacia’s online novel (you should be too).

i was no older than nine. i know this because i still lived by linda in a duplex right next to the on site laundry facility. to this day, i still love the smell of a dryer’s exhaust and the sound of a washing machine’s spin cycle. Read the rest of this entry »

hey ocean

a repost of “my measurements”

for you* because i think i willed you to turn up. i read this last week & smiled. this week you turned up on facebook. so…this is for you.

“and it will be the kiss by which you measure all others for the rest of your life.”
– anthony hopkins in hearts in atlantis.

him,  wide smile & vainglorious laugh that would travel down blocks and set up camp in my ears. him, barely taller than me but under the summer street lights i saw him as a giant. much larger than my life. south miami’s very own deity. & we would all wait on the sides of our pride to hear his voice travel from around the corner. young girls using blow pops for lip gloss. older girls who had mastered the art of sending secret messages to their would-be lovers in their giggles. & even their mothers, heavy hipped with moon shaped eyes longing for someone to stargaze in their faces. Read the rest of this entry »

eulogy for him

last night while walking down the hall
bedroom light illuminating my steps
i caught a glimpse of my shadow
& i realized i am not the same
i am no longer slight
my print along the wall in no way resembles
the shadow you made me
many midnights ago
top heavy & heaving
crumbled legs, bent & begging
distorted portions
elongated arms always stretching towards
an empty ceiling
in some sort of prayer stance
i seemed
wailing with my body Read the rest of this entry »

six quick thoughts: before leaving the house.

1. i could live everyday off of lucky charms & captn crunch. i wonder what type of health repercussions i could face? i’m sure it leads to cancer because as you know..every damn thing leads to cancer.

2. i am no way ready for my book club dinner. my sparse office/media room is still …well sparse & partially messy. whatever am i going to do? nothing! shoot, if you’re gonna judge me based on my office then off with your head!

3. i slept good last night. & woke up early enough to have coffee & finish some projects before the baby monsters woke up. thank you friday for making us HAVE TO wake up.

4. i’ve got 4 minutes to go before i leave for “work”. then my love work begins, party planning! i’m doing a pirate party in august. do you need a high energy WOOHOO!YAY! party for your child? then let us know!

5. i lied…my internet browsing while blogging has lead to no time for sixth thought. damn you curious mind.

6. quick one: i have no air conditioner in my car & its the middle of summer. but each day i think summers almost over why fix it now? thats until i jump in that b & start driving. as sweat collects under my breasts i think…wtf was i thinking. but its a cycle i go through. yes fix it, no save the money. oh welp.. stay cool!

six quick thoughts: before i scream

1. why can’t i keep it simple? i’m throwing a book club dinner party & i just gotta try & do it all fancy. when a lasagna & some salad work perfectly. (major portion of my stress right here)

2. i don’t feel like feeling. does that make sense? my period is coming & i just feel overwhelmed with anxiety about everything.i want to just be numb for a few moments too long. i need to relax. my favorite motto is “it can only be what it can be”….so why am i hellbent on trying to force it into other things?

3. hold up! did  just tell you that my period was coming? we are way too close now!

4. friday is part blue heeler & he nips at our heels to herd us. that’s so cute to me. i have to think of these types of things when i’m sleep walking at 2 in the morning walking his behind.

5. “seriously?” i always want to say that to people because sometimes i am so dumbfounded by what is said or done that i’m often left wondering…is this a joke that i’m not getting?

6. my gray hair is out of control now. i think its about to take over the front portion of my head. someone said the other day that she liked my highlights….needless to say, i’ve never dyed my hair.


** i have deep interesting thoughts to share on mj’s service, on motherhood, on playing the game in coporate america…etc. today i just felt like complaining. so there.

friday’s here.

the baby love

the baby love

friday’s home. he’s a lutt, or as anthony calls him, a lab mixed with a dog that jumps over fences. i say he’s perfect. look @ those markings. we were going toname him ashy larry but it didn’t roll off the tongue as easily.