claire can't see me.

a mom who is cooler in words than in life.

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Because every once in a while I write too much.

(& because in every book, i identify with the reckless girl out of admiration of passion.)

dearest you then and not you now,

sometimes i forget how my imagination works. how for survival as an only child i took to befriending walls at night time carrying on extensive, albeit onesided, conversations to pacify my fear of the dark…which was really just the precursor to my fear of being thought of as boring. my love of brick morphed seamlessly into my love of sheltered hearts. & my night time routine of creating grand story lines out of the stoic silence of sleeping chests only served to turn my imagination into reckless abandon for your truth. to me you were no longer boy with quiet charm, beautiful in your simplicity. you were a half filled beaker of potential in the endless experiments of my life. my objective was to find the combination of concoctions that would cause a stir, a rustled feather, a gut reaction, and ultimately an explosion that would turn the dormant liquid at your core into something solid…some tangible thing that would serve as your souvenir to remind you that you’ve been in & survived my chaos. A grand & shiny new object that you would eventually turn into a wedding ring for the next girl…because i acknowledged what your heart only mumbled…i was never meant for you. reckless girls like me, too big for their britches, too loud in their outlandish theories (crafted in freshmen lit classes), too selfless in their sacarfices but too selfish with their attention, never amount to more than a cautionary tale in the memories of a sheltered heart. so we learn to be hurricanes. a downpour of something so foreign that in the first few moments you are in awe, in the next few moments you are terrified, and in the last moments you are planning how you will rebuild in preparation to avoid all future disasters.

so back to my imagination. i made up a story line for you the last night you slept so soundly in a bed too small for my dreams & your needs to fit. you were always going to be too boring for me, I told the hairs on the back of your neck. you were always going to need me to draw you a treasure map to find me, complete with land mines for you to memorize to avoid, i whispered to the rhythm of your breathing. you’ll never know when it is time to limit me & time to give in completely, trusting my gut over yours, I reminded your shoulders as they rose & fell in a shrug. & then I prayed into your spine that you wouldn’t remember me at all & that I would only remember the story line that I created of you.

because if I wasn’t a girl who feared the dark, & feared being boring, & talked to walls (or men built of them) you wouldn’t have been there to craft a story out of.

with love from me then and not me now.

6 summer time adventures

1. Lemonade stand to fund Amiia’s film project. Lesson? It takes a long time to sell a cup of awesomeness…and some people won’t ever buy it..but keep going because someone will come along. Took four hours to make $37. Perspective? Four hours ago, Amiia, you were at $0.00.

2. 10 mile bike ride in 93 degree weather to teach that even when you want to quit…you parked too far away to stop now.

3. Swimming…to prove that summer has actually started.

4. Percy Jackson Picnic in the park, but to gain entrance to the picnic everyone had to buy something worth at least $3 to contribute to our snacks. Why? How else will they learn to contribute to the community?

5. Caught fireflies to practice patience, but let them go with a wish on each wing.

6. (tomorrow) Going to learn to churn butter…to teach “it ain’t where you’re from, it’s where you’re at”.


Saturday’s Adventures


Bike ride sounds like great exercise, right? What happens when you ride straight to Five Guys? Ha!

6 thoughts about snow

1. I thought I liked snow, and I think I
still might. It’s snow days that I loathe.

2. Miia thinks we have the best snowman on the block because he has a mohawk.

3. I have lost 7lbs since New Years, but this “blizzard” is fking with my work out schedule.

4. Who needs ice cream in freezing weather? Anthony. We risked life & limb on black ice for a pint.

5. If you tell anyone that I bought Kanye’s album I’ll bury you under an avalanche.

6. Dead birds falling out the sky, dead fish washing a shore, and snow in Alabama? Yep, Babylon is a fallin.

six thoughts that start with “i”

1. i hate my macbook pro.

2. i dont have the patience to unlearn my pc ways

3. i think that makes me officially old.

4. i’m okay with turning 30 this year.

5. i just wish all my hair was gray by no. i thought it would have been.

6. i just now realized that its midnight. & i swear, my body like automatically became extremely tired. which again proved #3.

six thoughts: live from the cubicle.

These thoughts were inspired by the six things currently on my desk.

1. Coffee mug: Contingo mugs rock so hard. You can turn them upside, sideways, hap hazardly place them in your purse filled to the brim with cranberry juice and NEVER worry about a single spill. Its cool to have that much faith in something.

2. Badge: I was so proud to finally have a job (although hindsight is 20/20) that in my badge picture i look smug as hell. Like “Yeah, you better had given me this job!”

3. Car Keys: To my BRAND NEW (well new to me) CAR! Okay, I’m not even a hard pressed brand bougie type of girl, but I tell you what…I loveth my almost (barely) new Lexus. Ant took a flight to ATL to get it and drove it home throughout the night. I love him & I love that car almost equally (not really).

4, Ruler: Yesterday I had to input like 500 lines of data and this piece of shit ruler did nothing but hold me back. Its clear with a highlighting strip in the middle…and well…it doesnt work. This was a useless piece of information, I know. And now at #4 I’m thinking…maybe this whole 6 things on my desk is kinda lame. I thought I could turn it into something poetic. So far it looks like I’m running low on inspiration. But, in the spirit of finishing what I start….let’s move on to #5.

5. Purple Sparkly Stapler: We were in Marhsalls and Amel picked it out for me in. She’s such a girly girl. All dresses, pink, fou fou, and tiaras for that girl. Its completely not my style, but whenever I see it I think of her & I’m glad that she’s mine.

6.  iPhone: Just got a text for my girl saying that she’s coming to the APB Dirty 30 in New Orleans in November. APB stands for Aplha Phi Booty, a joke that started ages ago on the campus of Northeastern University. 12 years later & we’re still friends. Special shout out to: Dirty Jers, Patty Rice,  Prof Benton BA-MA-PhD!, Cat Eyes, Brooklyn’s Finest, Dr Ozi, and me–>Squeaktastic.

*7.  (Bonus) Paper clip: When times get rough on the job. Find yourself a paperclip and see how many things you can fashion from that simple piece of wire. Thus far I’m made hearts, S, Z, a square, I’m spelled my name, swirlly thing…… Just a tid bit to help you stay awaye & alert & keep that creative fire alive & well in the cube.


six thoughts: pathetic update

1. i told a lady at zaxby’s that i thought her her smile was pretty and she said “you’rs too” without truly looking at mine. why do people do that? accept my compliment & don’t degrade it with a half ass one.

2. gentlemen start your engines..and may the best woman win! (my very secret trash television obession. that & 16 and pregnant)

3. no one is happier than i am about united states of tara being back on. toni colette and i share a bond. we’re horrible conversationalists. give me a script & let me pretend to be someone witty…don’t ask me questions or you’ll be sorely disappointed in how lame i actually am.

4. i need a top hat and velvet coat for the tea party i’m throwing. do you have one?

5. i love youtube. but i’d love it even more if it was my idea.

6. I guess I never posted this. It’s old as molasses now, but its an update. 🙂